Raising Hell

Being away from my son Austin for many years on end was probably the hardest thing I’ve had to do in my life. Now that I’m out of the Navy and able to spend time with him I’m starting to realize some things. See, before I left on my last tour in the Navy, I had him with me at least half of the week, every week for three years. Before that, I was still with his mother and they moved with me everywhere they could, so I was able to keep up with him a lot more. This summer he was able to spend the summer with me and I was able to get to know him again. What I have come to realize is that he is a little terror. Austin is a very smart kid, he tested in the top 98% of the nation in math last year, and he can pretty much answer or figure out anything you ask him. The problem I have had this summer is that I’m finding that he is either really lazy or lacks common sense.

          If you put him on Khan Academy and give him a homework assignment, he will ace it. If you tell him to do his chores or help with something he doesn’t want to help with, he has a million questions for you. When he wants a snack from the top cabinet, he’ll climb all over everything and get whatever he wants; but when you tell him to put that item back, “he can’t reach the cabinet it goes in”. I think a big part of his problem listening to me is a result of me being gone so long. Before I left he was a pretty good kid. I guess with me being gone so long he just doesn’t take me serious. He gets me so frustrated sometimes and other times he makes me so proud.

 

          I’m really happy to be able to be with him all the time now, regardless of our issues. I want to do so many fun things with him and teach him everything I know. I hate when I have something fun planned or want to do things with him and he does something wrong to make me have to punish him instead. I know he is just a kid but when he wants to act big and smart I want to treat him big and smart. It’s a pain in the butt when he conveniently loses his common sense or “doesn’t know” something just to get him out of a chore. I just want him to do really well in life and I’m trying my best to make that possible.

 

Lola the Little Frenchie

          Having a dog can be a pain in the butt, but I wouldn’t trade ours in for any other. My girlfriend’s mother breeds dogs and has about twenty loud ass dogs in her house. They are very annoying but if it keeps her happy then it’s worth it I guess. Living in Hawaii, my girlfriend and I missed our dogs at home and wanted to get one so we could take it to the dog park and have a little friend to play with at home. My girlfriend has always wanted a French Bulldog so she started ordering books and sending me craigslist ads for dogs in the area. We finally decided to get serious in our hunt and found one she really liked. The dog was on the Big Island of Hawaii and we were on Oahu. In order to get the dog we would have to have it flown to us and hope we loved in in person as much as we did online. What I didn’t know at the time was the cost! We paid three grand for the dog and had to pay another hundred for the flight. Thirty one hundred dollars for a dog that sheds, poops and pees everywhere.

          Before we got the dog we made a deal, she would clean up after the dog and bath it regularly. Of course, over a year later and there is dog poop all over my yard that she was supposed to be picking up but doesn’t. The dog was really good for a long time but has now started to get lazy or think she’s slick by hiding under beds or in corners and pooping. Having a baby in the house it’s hard to tell if the baby has a dirty diaper or the dog dropped a deuce somewhere. The dog has also started getting in bed with us at night to sleep with us. The other night the dog threw up all over the bed, guess who’s side she threw up on? Another fun fact about French Bulldogs is that there farts are not only the worst smelling farts known to man, but they are audible. You can hear the dog fart from across the room like a grown man, and soon after, you will smell and taste it!

          Lola is our little French Bulldog. She is great with our baby girl and loves to play catch and have fun with the family. She is quick to bark at someone sneaking up on her or our house so she’s our security alarm as well. Despite the messes she makes, she’s a great dog to have around and a wonderful asset to our family. We wouldn’t trade her in for the world!

 

Get The Training Before You Hurt Someone

        Most people think they have “The Right” to conceal carry a handgun around anywhere they go. I 100% agree with that statement, however, very proper training should be given and maintained in order for Joe Blow to carry a weapon near my family or anyone else for that matter. Owning and carrying a weapon is a very dangerous task for someone who does not have the knowledge it takes to keep the weapon safe, and in the god awful event they are required to use it, they better know the laws as well as have the skill to place the bullets on target versus in a crowd behind the target. Just because a person has a weapon on them does not make them a police officer or give them the right to intervene in any situation they see. Owning a weapon also means you have to keep it in a safe place at home, and when it’s being carried, it should be carried in a safe holster and in a manner that it will not accidentally fire. There have been too many accidental shootings as a result of little to no training.

 

        When I moved to Virginia I immediately went to get my conceal carry permit. It took me about five minutes to fill out the paperwork and cost about fifty dollars. I was not required to take any further training because I had spent twelve years in the military, but I bet the training is not what it should be. The permit lasts five years too, and at no point am I required to prove that I still know what I’m doing. I can just renew for another fifty dollars and carry forever without continuous training. I know I have proper control and great aim with my weapon and have proven so many times in the military and at gun ranges since the military. Giving someone a weapon that doesn’t have the skills to use it properly could easily result in the death of an innocent bystander, or even the owner of the weapon if it is taken from them. Owning, carrying or even being around a weapon should be taken very seriously at all times. Poor training, storage or mental states (i.e. drinking alcohol) and weapons do not mix. If you feel like you have the right and want to get a handgun, please get and maintain your training on a regular basis.

Do Not Step On The Grass!

          I’ve been cutting grass since I was about 12 years old. At first it was just to make a quick $20 to buy junk food or some other trash I didn’t need when I was young. Once I got a little older and bought my first house, I started really getting into actual landscaping versus only cutting the grass and being done with it. I found that there is a lot of trial and error when you’re learning different aspects of landscaping. Sometimes you find yourself re-working something you already did, or causing more work for yourself than needed. For example, my buddy Brandt swears putting a weed blocking barrier down is a mistake because next season you have to fight threw it to plant new plants or re-do the mulch beds. It is a pain in the butt to deal with, but keeping the weeds out of a mulch bed or garden is easy if you just put a few minutes a day into it.

          I’ve had many people ask who does my yardwork, or how do I do this or that. I’ve seriously considered opening my own little landscaping business I can run on the weekends. This past week, my girlfriend had a friend over that wanted me to take care of her yard. I agreed to do so, not knowing how it looked before I quoted anything or started! This yard was a mess. You couldn’t even see the sidewalk leading to the front door for all the weeds. Needless to say, it took longer than expected to get it fixed, but it looks really good now.  Her and her neighbor both said I have “real talent” and should start a business landscaping.

          I enjoy landscaping more than most people I’m sure. I can just get out there with some music and a cold beer and do my own thing without being bothered. I think I will start accumulating more landscaping equipment over the next year or so, and see what comes of it. I figure, if I can get a decent mower and a trailer to pull all the gear from house to house, I can do what I want and make my own schedule. Even if it’s only part time to make a few extra dollars, I’ll be doing what I like. I can also pass the skill on to my son, and maybe even pass him his own little start up business when he’s ready!

If you want an estimate just hit me up at jeffc.jeff@gmail.com 

 

Dis Hoe Don't Tread On Me

          Virginia makes it really easy and cheap to get custom tags. It costs about ten dollars for custom tags here, so many people have them. I always thought they were kind of lame, so I’ve never had them until recently. When they give you the paperwork for them, they offer three choices to pick from in case your pick is taken or not allowed. I chose to pick one versus three and if it weren’t available I would have just gotten regular tags. I chose to get the navy tag which is yellow, with a snake in the middle and at the bottom it says “Don’t Tread on Me”. The custom tag I chose is “DIS HOE”, and if you read it all together it says “Dis Hoe Don’t Tread On Me”. To me, this is appropriate for many reasons that I won’t go into here, but the funniest part is that I drive a Chevy Tahoe. Surprisingly, they allowed it and sent me the tags right away.

          Now that I have the tags I hear a lot of compliments. Especially from those that read it all out together or those that have or respect the Tahoe. The worst part is the people trying to run into the back of my truck taking pictures of my tags. Others will chase me down just to tell me they like it. Some just look inside, see the wife and two kids inside and just ride on confused! I guess a lot of people have posted the pictures online, because it’s been seen by many that tell me they’ve seen it and laughed. It’s surprising to me that they even allowed that as an option, and even more surprising that no one has had a negative comment on them yet. Every time I see a cop car behind me I assume he is going to pull me over and tell me I need to change it or at least be jealous or upset about it enough to pull me over for something stupid.

          I’ve had the tag for five months now and I’ve enjoyed them so far. I imagine when I grow up and get a real job that it won’t be appropriate to show up with. They does bring a certain bias with them, but they offer plenty of comedic relief for now as well. I’m going to ride them out until they expire or until it becomes an issue for one reason or another. Once I’m done with them, I’m sure they will make a nice wall piece in my man cave. If you’re ever driving around and see a tag you like, just laugh a little, wave, and ride on. Don’t try to stalk them or take pictures! Put the phone down and drive!         

Monkeying Around at the Norfolk Zoo!

      My family and I had a great time visiting our local zoo recently. The weather wasn’t the greatest and a lot of the animals were hiding out of sight, but the Virginia Zoo in Norfolk is a great place to spend the day if you have the chance. They have so many different animal exhibits that it’s hard to say which one was my favorite. I really enjoyed the giraffe’s because the walkway you travel puts you at eye level with these insanely tall animals. My daughter only knows a few words so she was yelling out our dogs name at the giraffes thinking that’s their names as well. Another interesting pair of animals were these two white cheeked gibbons they had that were swinging from branches and playing, despite the rainy weather. There was one white female gibbon named Asia and one black male named Dexter, both ranging from about twelve to twenty pounds. Both were born in captivity but originally their species are from Vietnam and South China. The thing I like a lot about these guys is that they are able to climb around the entire area in seconds, leaping from branch to branch, making it look easy. They also share the habitat with several Asian Small Clawed Otters in which Dexter likes to tease to keep himself occupied! These guys eat mostly leaves, bark, fruit, and flowers, but they also eat insects, spiders, and bird eggs.  Unfortunately this specific mammal is nearly extinct and has been placed on the critically endangered species list due to hunting and habitat loss.

            They have countless great exhibits with incredible animals at the Norfolk Zoo that everyone should go see. While the White Cheeked Gibbon’s were an amazing creature that I could sit back and watch all day; they were only my second favorite species at the zoo that day. My favorite creatures at the zoo were another species of monkey that were obviously mislabeled by someone. They were labeled as Homo Sapiens but I know they were monkeys by their erratic behavior. The oldest was a female named Jordanne who was obviously the ring leader of these tiny terrorists. The young male was an eleven year old monkey named Austin. He had been all over the world before Norfolk, yet he still didn’t seem to know how to act right. The youngest little one was a female named Avril, she looked so mean it scared me. I knew monkeys had been known to throw their feces at people before and I’m fairly certain she was fully loaded and ready to fire at any time! These three monkeys made my visit to the zoo a great experience. As wild as they were, I felt compelled to open the gate and take them home with me afterwards. You may not see the same exact monkeys when you visit, but I assure you that if you get your own monkeys together for a trip to the Norfolk Zoo you won’t regret it. Visit http://virginiazoo.org/  for more information and visit soon. 

Feeling Like Billy Madison

I think I know what Billy Madison felt like when his dad cut him off and made him go back to school. I wasn’t cut off by anyone and I definitely do not have a hotel empire to gain like he did. When I left high school I thought life would be easy, I was way wrong! I still have a lot of learning and plenty left to get done before I can rest comfortably.

I joined the military after partying and being lazy for a year or so after I graduated.  I did twelve years in the Navy, traveled around the world, visited over thirty countries and got paid to do so. My food was cooked and served to me daily, I had a place to sleep and a guaranteed pay check coming in every two weeks. It wasn’t the greatest at times but I had no worries when it came to the outside world. As easy as it was financially, nothing lasts forever so I figured now would be the best time to get out and start something new.

I could have continued to drag it out, knowing I would eventually need a college degree and a real job one day, but why not jump on it now. So here I am, thirty two years old, walking around a college campus seeing all these young kids that just got out of high school, and immediately started their college degree. I'm the old guy sitting in class like Billy Madison. I’m not the oldest but I’m damn sure not the youngest around here.

I’ve been out of the school scene for so long that I don’t know what’s right from wrong. I remember when I was younger I felt like I had to maintain an image, be a cool kid, and hang out at the cool lunch table or I’d never get invited to the party on Friday. I had to wear the right name brands from the clothing all the way to the book bag.  I had to wear the bag with one strap on my right side only or I was a nerd. Now what style is cool, and how do I wear it? At this age I could care less about the look, style or even what someone may think as long as I’m getting shit done.

I’m just trying to knock this degree out as quickly as possible. I want to use the degree, and my military experience to get a good job and start a new life with my family. Maybe one day I’ll have an empire to leave for my kids Like Billy’s dad had for him. All I can do for now is stay focused on the mission and hope Mrs. Veronica Vaugn is out here giving tutor lessons for an old man like myself!